


i found a youkai in my living room

by pennyofthewild



Category: Free!
Genre: ? - Freeform, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Fantasy, Attempt at Humor, M/M, Youkai, future fish, loosely i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 09:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3376805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennyofthewild/pseuds/pennyofthewild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>(and oh, shit, he's hot)</b>
</p>
<p>The one in which Rei has an unexpected visitor.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>[As Rei stares, frozen to the spot, the wood splinters, gives way. Fingers appear in the crack, then a whole hand.]</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	i found a youkai in my living room

**Author's Note:**

> this is the result of an anonymous prompt over at my [tumblr](http://pennyofthewild.tumblr.com/) and my continued insistence on making poor life choices
> 
> /lies down
> 
> this fic can also be read [**[here]**](http://pennysdrabbledump.tumblr.com/post/111243683136/i-found-a-youkai-in-my-living-room) on tumblr.

 

**i found a youkai in my living room**  
(and oh, shit, he’s hot)

 

Rei tosses his jacket and bag onto the living room floor, sinks onto the sofa and lowers his face into his hands. The edge of his rejected research proposal peeks from inside the bag, caught in the zip. Rei groans and slumps into the couch cushions. The life-size coffin – Nagisa’s idea of a prank present – stands in the far corner of the room, exuding disapproval at Rei’s apparent lack of resilience.

“Shut up,” Rei tells it, “determination is my middle name. Ryuugazaki Fucking-Determined Rei, that’s me.”

He runs his hand through his hair, grimaces at how greasy the roots feel, and decides he is going to shower before sleeping off his all-nighter. Alternatively, considering how he feels, he could go out to the toolshed, bring back a hammer, open up the coffin, and nail himself in. The associated mental image sums up his state of mind with perfect accuracy.

After several moments of contemplation, Rei heaves himself off the sofa and goes to pull a ratty-but-clean t-shirt (one of his faves: Keep Calm; Gandalf’s Back) and sweatpants out of his closet. His phone rings as he is about to enter the bath; Rei glances at the caller id and replies with one of the customized “I can’t come to the phone right now” messages.

 

To: Nagisa, 5:00 PM

Not right now, Nagisa-kun. Need to shower.

 

While he is shampooing his hair – for the second time; Nagisa tells him it’s a bad habit and “that’s why your hair gets greasy so quick, Rei-chan, over-shampooing”, but there’s truth in the adage: bad habits are hard to break. Besides, Rei likes the way the shampoo smells. Nagisa can go drown in a pool – Rei hears a crash. A loud, resounding crash, like something has fallen over, or a door has been knocked down.

“Damn it, Nagisa!” Rei’s voice echoes in the shower stall. “You’re paying this time!”

Unusually, there is silence. Rei waits a beat, before calling, “not funny, Nagisa!”

Still, silence. Rei sighs, rinsing out the last of the shampoo from his hair. Maybe Nagisa is trying out a quiet practical joke, and the crash was because he hasn’t had much practice.

Five minutes later, Rei is dressed and toweling his hair off when he becomes aware of a series of muted thumps, like someone is repeatedly hammering against something. The sound, Rei realizes, baffled, is coming from the direction of his living room. So much for quiet pranks.

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, as he enters the room, “I thought I told you to get rid of your –

The room is empty.

  – spare key.”

The coffin has fallen over, one end braced against the coffee table, the other on the floor. By some stroke of luck, the coffee table is still in one piece. As Rei stares, frozen to the spot, the wood splinters, gives way. Fingers appear in the crack, then a whole hand.

_Shit_ , Rei thinks, _I must have fallen asleep in the shower._ He pinches the inside of his arm. It hurts. _Well, then_ , Rei thinks. _I’m awake._

The front of the coffin breaks entirely, and a tall, human-shaped figure in a yukata falls forehead-first into Rei’s coffee table.

 

***

 

“Fuck,” the occupant of the coffin says, rubbing at the table-edge-shaped mark on his forehead.

Rei is assuming he is male. He looks and sounds like a man, if a very pretty one. Rei itches to go upstairs and grab his camera. He’d take a picture and have it framed. Several pictures, and he could put up an exhibition.

Beautiful Stranger, by Ryuugazaki-Fucking-Determined Rei.

“Sorry,” Rei says, placing a coffee mug in front of his surprise visitor. “The table wasn’t expecting you.”

“What is this?” Beautiful Stranger looks suspiciously at the dark liquid swilling inside the mug.

“It’s, ah, coffee,” Rei says. “Been around since the 17th century? Well, actually since the thirteenth, give or take a couple fifty years – and yeah, wasn’t widespread in Japan till the 1930’s – careful, it’s hot – ”

Beautiful Stranger coughs, blinks. Rei winces in borrowed sympathy.

“You should have,” Beautiful Stranger says, “alerted me earlier.”

Rei begins to protest, and frowns. “Hey,” he says. “What _century_ are you from?”

Beautiful Stranger takes another cautionary sip of the coffee.  He looks up from the cup to give Rei a look. “The thirteenth, actually,” he says, all traces of the strange, old dialect gone. In response to Rei’s blank look, he chuckles. “I wasn’t locked in there,” he makes a gesture over his shoulder at the remains of the coffin, sitting in the middle of Rei’s living room, a total eyesore, “for eight hundred years straight.”

Rei gapes. “Then – ”

Beautiful Stranger laughs, again. He has a very nice laugh, just like the rest of him. Rei wishes his blush-switch wasn’t so easy to flick from “off” to “on”.

“It was supposed to be a joke,” he says. “I didn’t expect you to talk so much. What year is it, by the way?”

Rei’s blush deepens. He can practically feel the skin of his face begin to melt off. “2015.”

“Name’s Rin, by the way,” Beautiful Stranger says, “so you can stop calling me Beautiful Stranger. Not that it isn’t flattering, but it sounds like an inconvenient mouthful.” The expression on his face tells Rei he knows exactly what he’s said, and means it.

“How would you know,” Rei says, trying and failing to keep from sinking through the floor, “I haven’t said – that – out loud.”

Rin raises his eyebrows, looking very unimpressed

Rei gasps. All events so far have required a complete suspension of disbelief. There’s no reason the … creature sitting across from him can’t, “You can read minds?”

Rin shrugs. “Well, not precisely. But you think really loudly.”

“Oh, please,” Rei mutters. “Please, kill me now.”

“I would offer my services,” Rin says, “but then I’d have to eat you, and I’m not feeling up to it, yet.”

“Yet?” Rei’s voice squeaks.

Rin shrugs.  “Why, what did you think _youkai_ ate? Doughnuts? Though, I’m quite partial to doughnuts, myself.”

“I – I made you _coffee_ ,” Rei splutters.

“Thanks,” Rin says. “It’s good coffee. Just the pick-me-up I needed, after fifty years of forced hibernation.”

“Hibernation,” Rei echoes, faintly.

“Yes, hibernation. A state of decreased activity and metabolic depression. Kind of like taking a very long nap. Surely you knew that.”

 

***

 

Three days later, Rei comes home to find Rin perched in front of Rei’s laptop, scrolling through an online forum. He – Rin – had taken to the internet immediately, going, “a shame we never had this back in the sixties,” and wholeheartedly throwing himself into making up for all the years he did not have a WiFi connection.  

Thirty-six hours later, he is up-to-date with all the latest internet lingo (including words Rei did not know existed) and has discovered a passion for internet memes. Last Rei checked, he’d started a blog, and a twitter account.

Rei is lucky Nagisa is out of town – that is what the phone call was about. He is covering Sapporo’s Ice Festival for his travel magazine, and that is why he hasn’t been to Rei’s and discovered the _youkai_ Rei is keeping in his spare room. Because Nagisa is in the dark, so is Rei’s mother, who depends on Nagisa for All Things Ryuugazaki Rei TM  (minus the middle name, because “watch your language, Ryuugazaki Rei!”).

Rei isn’t sure how long he can get away with pretending Rin does not exist. He’s trying to forget the look on the garbage man’s face as he’d carried the remains of the coffin away. Rei does not want to know what he was thinking. He hadn’t been able to keep from yelling, “it’s not what you think, I promise!” after the man’s retreating back.

“Found him,” Rin says, gleefully, as Rei is passing by on his way into the kitchen, for a glass of water.

“Who did you find?” Rei asks.

“Haru,” Rin says, as if Rei knows who Haru is, “he’s going by Nanase again. He should’ve known better, the idiot.”

“Uhm,” says Rei, intellectually.

Rin laughs. “Haru’s a friend.” He stands up, stretches, scratches the sliver of skin in the space between his shirt and belt. The shirt is too big and the jeans are too long, because both items of clothing are actually Rei’s.

_I have an immortal demon living in my house who is wearing my clothes and eating my food,_ Rei thinks, quietly, he hopes. _He is annoying and self-centered and very beautiful, and I am uncomfortable for reasons I do not understand. Three days ago I was upset my research proposal was rejected. Life is a mystery._

“Come on,” Rin says, shuffling to the door. Rei makes a mental note to ask him to _please roll up those hems, Rin-san, please; it’s not pretty_.

“Come where?” Rei frowns, puts down his glass of water. “I just got in.”

“I found Haru,” Rin says, slowly, as if Rei is a very small child. “It wouldn’t have taken me so long, but I got caught up live-tweeting _Jupiter Ascending_ , which is a crap movie but a great time. So come on, I have to go see him, pound his head in for nailing me into that coffin.”

“Uhm,” Rei repeats.

“God, you’re slow,” Rin says, “aren’t you supposed to be a scientist? He’s got a weird sense of humor, but he loves me, okay?”

 

***

 

Nanase Haruka lives in a little bungalow along the stairs up to Iwatobi’s oldest, most famous temple. Incidentally, it is a ten-minute train ride from Rei’s house, something Rin bemoans almost the whole trip there.

“It’s like he chose to live here on purpose, just to spite me,” he says.

Rei rolls his eyes.

Rin rings the doorbell, and pushes the door open almost immediately.

“Unlocked,” he mutters. “It figures. He has no self-preservation instinct, that Nana Haru.”

He steps out of his borrowed sneakers – for some reason, he’d been barefoot, in the coffin – and walks right in, without permission. Rei hurries to follow.

“Haru,” Rin calls, “am I gonna have to come into the bathroom to get you?”

A tall, dark-haired man – Rei thinks it’s a man – steps into the hallway. He is taller than Rei, and awfully broad in the shoulders, like a bouncer. Rei blinks. This is Nanase Haruka?

Rin stops, so abruptly Rei almost runs into him. “Sousuke,” Rin says, sounding delighted. “You’re here, too? I should’ve known. How’s Haru? He let you kiss him yet?”

Sousuke leans against the wall. “Finally got out of the coffin, huh,” he says, “I wasn’t expecting you for another ten years. Go away; you’re interrupting my honeymoon.”

“Ha ha ha,” Rin punches his fist into Sousuke’s shoulder. Not that it has any effect on Sousuke; he just stands there.

Rei begins to feel very ill-at-ease.

Sousuke tilts his chin at Rei. “Who’s the twerp?”

Rei bristles. “Excuse me,” he says, “who – ”

“This is Ryuugazaki Fucking-Determined Rei,” Rin interjects, smoothly. “He’s been letting me stay in his apartment.”

“He’s been letting you leach off his internet connection, you mean,” Sousuke says, and Rei wonders at how well they must know each other for Sousuke to make such an on-point remark within moments of re-acquainting himself with his … friend – for the first time in, if Rin is to be believed, fifty years.

“Exactly,” Rin sounds pleased, “these are his clothes, you know,” and he plucks at Rei’s Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock t-shirt.

“Big Bang Theory,” Sousuke says, “you sure know how to pick ‘em.” He gives Rei a _look_. “Hurt him and I’ll hurt _you_.”

Before Rei can protest it would be scientifically impossible for him to hurt Rin, someone clears their throat.

“Sousuke, Rin,” a new voice says. This one is calm, and cool, rather like water, if water had a voice. “The hallway serves a purpose. Standing around taking up space is not it.”

The speaker pulls back the shoji-paneled door to the living room, standing by, expectantly, one hand placed low on the small of Sousuke’s back. Unless there are more, eccentric humanoids living in this tiny bungalow – it is unlikely – this new addition must be Nanase Haruka. Rei’s first impression of him is that he is small – at least, in comparison to Sousuke, who stands two heads taller and is probably twice as wide (gross exaggeration, but Rei is smarting), and even Rin, who, while, not as obviously big, is still taller and more muscular (in a very aesthetically-pleasing way). He has dark hair and very blue-eyes, small shoulders, slender fingers.

There are gill-slits on either side of his throat, and Rei can see scales, blue and green, on the backs of his elbows and along his clavicles.

He gives Rei a cool, appraising nod, as if to say, _you pass_.

Somehow, it is more terrifying than Sousuke’s thinly-veiled threat.

 

***

 

Nagisa comes home three weeks later. According to his never-ending stream of messages, he’d stayed longer than necessary because _the festival is so pretty, Rei-chan_ and _you should’ve been here_ and _at least I’ve got Mako-chan!_

By this time, Rei is so used to Rin’s presence in his house he (almost) can’t remember a time Rin wasn’t around, leaving laundry for Rei to pick up and eating all of Rei’s specially-imported Cap’n Crunch. He’s posed for pictures and helpfully critiqued Rei’s research proposal with surprising consideration.

Rei has caught himself thinking of Nagisa’s sister’s tattered copy of that stupid vampire romance novel on more than one occasion.

_You’ve seemed so distracted, lately,_ _Rei-chan,_ Nagisa said, in one of his messages. _What’s going on?_

In true Nagisa fashion, he drops in unannounced, when Rei is expecting him the least. In fact, Rei isn’t even at home when Nagisa invites himself over, presumably letting himself in with the spare key he hasn’t gotten rid of yet.

Rei walks in at a quarter past four to find Nagisa seated on a stool in the kitchen with his chin propped in his palm, across the table from Rin.

“I _knew_ ,” Nagisa is saying excitedly, “that the coffin felt awfully heavy for being empty – at least, that’s what Mako-chan said; I didn’t actually carry it, haha!! I mean, can you imagine _me_ trying to haul it around?” He lets out a ringing peal of laughter, that, to Rei, spells out Caution, Danger Ahead.

Rei groans. There is no use in postponing the inevitable.

“Good afternoon, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, stiffly, making his presence known.

“Rei-chan!!” Nagisa practically flies across the kitchen to throw his arms around Rei. “Rei-chan, you silly man, why didn’t you tell me about Rin-chan??? I CAN’T BELIEVE you’ve been PINING over such a BEAUTIFUL MAN all this time and you didn’t tell – ”

“Nagisa-kun,” Rei removes Nagisa’s arms from around his neck. “That’s a gross overstatement – ”

“No, it’s not,” Rin says from over at the table, where he is munching on Cap’n Crunch despite it being two hours to sunset. “You are totally crushing on me. It’s not surprising. After all, I _am_ fabulous.”

“I don’t even want to know what meme that is from,” Rei mutters. “Nagisa-kun, please stop encouragingly choking me. You are not helping.”

Nagisa pouts and returns to his seat.

“If you’re trying for damage control,” Rin says, “don’t bother. It’s too late. Nagisa and I are best friends, already, aren’t we, Nagisa?”

Nagisa sets his elbow on the table, and grins. “We’ve got a shopping date for the weekend, so we can find Rin-chan clothes that actually fit him and don’t have nerd jokes on the fronts.”

“There is nothing wrong with my clothes,” Rei says, affronted.

“Yeah,” Nagisa says, in the tone of someone going “well, duh,”. “If you’re a nerd.”

Rei raises his eyebrows. “Oh, so I’m the nerd now? That’s rich, coming from a pair of the geekiest – ”

“I think the word you’re looking for is “dork”, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says, sympathetically, “and I hate to break it to you, but being a dork is a good thing. It means you’re heartbreaking, and adorable.”

“That is the definition, according to the internet,” Rin says agreeably, tilting his chair back onto two legs and eating cereal at the same time. Rei hopes the chair breaks and he falls.

“I think our Rei-chan is jealous, Rin-chan, wouldn’t you say?” Nagisa says, infuriatingly astute, as always. “Don’t worry, Rei-chan, you’re welcome to join us. I don’t have any designs on Rin-chan, you know, pretty as he is. You can have him All To Yourself.”

And he grins, in the way Rei knows means he will stand for no further argument.

 

***

 

“Say, Rin-san,” Rei says.

Rin is sprawled on the sofa, laid out across it, reading a novel. His hair is still damp from the shower, and he looks exhausted. Rei can sympathize; shopping dates with Nagisa destroy even seasoned veterans.

“Hmm?” Rin flips a page. At some point, Nagisa must’ve gotten him a manicure, because his nails are painted black, the dark juxtaposed against the pale of his skin in the way that makes Rei want to set up his tripod and camera.

“You know that’s one of my shirts, right?”

Rin glances down at it. It is gray, and features a quote from another one of Rei’s favorite TV shows. _If You Love Someone_ , the shirt declares, _You’ll Remember What They Look Like_.

“Looks like it.”

Rei sighs. “Why?” he says. “You just got new ones. It doesn’t fit right, and it’s got a “nerd” quote on it.”

Rin flips another page. “So?”

“What do you mean, so,” Rei says, feeling strangely frustrated. “So why are you wearing this one?”

Rin turns his head against the sofa’s arm rest, fixing Rei with a look. It’s an exasperated look, but there is a lot of fondness, in it, too, that Rei thinks isn’t wholly his imagination. There’s no way his imagination could’ve dreamt up a look like that.

“Because it’s yours, you idiot,” he says, and goes back to reading the book.

 

***

 

From: Nagisa, 6:00 PM

aw, rei-chan, tht’s so cute!!!  
now tht’s wht i call True Luv (ノ^∇^)

 

To: Nagisa, 6:01 PM

It is an offense to the human ability to communicate to spell in that illiterate manner.

 

From Nagisa, 6:01 PM

i’m going 2 pretnd u didn’t just call me illiterate, rei-chan b/c u’re in luv  
so i 4give u ◉ ᴗ ◉  
but u do remember imma travel journalist, rite???  
it’s wht i do 4 a living

 

To: Nagisa, 6:03 PM

I do not envy your editor.

 

From: Nagisa, 6:03 PM

waaaahhhh, so meaannn, rei-chan｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡  
so, updates!! spare no detail !!!!

 

To: Nagisa, 6:07 PM

~~I … might have~~  
~~kissed him~~  
I finished up the photo-shoot  
Some of the photos came out really nice

 

From: Nagisa, 6:07 PM

finally, i tht u died  
tht’s ur idea of “spare no detail”? ( ≧Д≦) ( ≧Д≦)  
rei-chan u’re hopeless  
he kissed back didn’t he, say yes

 

From: Nagisa, 6:07 PM

also u gotta call that exhibition  
 the heart of the ocean, ok  
or i will never speak to you again ◕‿◕

 

To: Nagisa, 6:08 PM

DID YOU JUST REFERENCE TITANIC AT ME  
Nagisa-kun, this is unacceptable, take that back

 

To: Nagisa, 6:10 PM

Nagisa-kun?

 

To: Nagisa, 6:15 PM

Nagisa, please take your mind out of the gutter

 

To: Nagisa, 6:20 PM

Nagisa?

 

To: Nagisa, 6:30 PM

NAGISA

 

 

 

 

-fin.


End file.
